Updated: Jan 11, 2021
It’s not your fault…
It is never the victim’s fault for being abused, period.
This is a common phrase that you will hear in most places that address family violence and it is perhaps one of the truest statements said. Despite the objective accuracy of this statement, not everyone in society shares the same perspective.
It is common to see people outside of these circumstances engage in victim-blaming, or find it hard to understand why someone might stay in an abusive situation. If you are in an abusive situation it is important to never internalize the perspectives of uninformed people in terms of what abuse is. They do not understand what the circumstance is. Each situation of abuse is subjective and unique and it is very difficult for an outsider to be perceptive of the intricacies within your own circumstance. Those who hold views that perpetuate victim-blaming are uninformed of the various elements that play into abuse and must be educated.
But for those who are abused, there can be feelings of guilt, shame, or condemnation. Perhaps you are not willing to admit the horrors of what is happening to yourself because you do not want to believe it. You may possess the fear of being judged, or being afraid of the unknown realities if you were to take the leap and leave your abuser. These feelings happen, but they are not true and do not reflect the realities of your circumstance. One thing that you have to ask yourself is: is it better to be scared of being judged and live in captivity your whole life, or is it better to pick yourself up and out of your situation and be free?
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to step out on your own, but you are not alone. People before you have done it, and people after you will continue to do it. You simply have to believe in yourself and take that leap. You will be seen as more courageous by anyone who knows your story for the sole fact that YOU had the bravery to leave. Regardless of how serious your situation seems, there are resources and people to help and want to see you be free.
You are a gift to anyone who has the chance to know you, and to inhibit that gift is a crime to the world. So know that it is your abuser(s), and only your abuser(s), who want you to feel that guilt, that shame, that dishonour; and know that everyone who truly cares about wants you to be free.
Be courageous. Take the leap. Fight for your right to freedom.